This morning, the sun rose over Kyiv and some residents had the sense that the full weight of the Ukrainian winter itself had been absorbed into their shivering bones as they slept. They tried to shake the bone-deep chill that had followed the previous evening’s bout of weather which had been bad enough to cause blackouts in 88 towns and villages in eastern Ukraine. In the meantime, Mikheil Saakashvili, the former President of the Republic of Georgia, occasional legal resident of Brooklyn, and an officially stateless person as of July, had already been awake at his apartment in Kyiv since before dawn broke. What woke Misha? What brought him out of what must have been a highly sonorous, bear-like state of hibernation? On this particular morning, it was the unmistakable cacophony of a team of Ukraine’s most elite security forces breaking into his apartment to arrest him. This was how Misha ended up on his rooftop early this cold morning in Kyiv, threatening to jump.
Misha has had his citizenship revoked in his native Georgia and in Ukraine. Ukrainian President Poroshenko wants to see Misha — his former friend and currently his most effective critic — deported back to Georgia and thrown in jail. The falling out between the two is its own little melodrama wrapped within a much bigger story: In 2015, it was Poroshenko and the US State Department who invited Misha to come to Ukraine and serve as governor of Odessa. The ongoing saga surrounding Saakashvili’s citizenship status and his increasingly bizarre political career, which has always been helped along, redirected, or rescued by powerful Americans such as Hillary Clinton and John McCain (the two of whom together co-nominated Misha for a Nobel Peace Prize years ago) has inspired all kinds of speculation and fantasy about where Misha will pop up next. Chime in if you have any ideas:
I was just talking about this to someone today, and I'm actually unironically convinced he's going to pop up in Montenegro at some point. This is my official opinion as a Montenegro expert
— Tara (@ptrvctr) December 5, 2017
King of Soviet Yugoslovakia
— Michael Colborne (@ColborneMichael) December 5, 2017
PM of Lithuania hopefully.
— Antun Katalenić (@AKatalenic) December 5, 2017
We doing #SaakashviliGuesses? I'm guessing he'll just give up and semi retire to some Think Tank in Washington DC
— grodaeu (@grodaeu) December 5, 2017
If being thrown out by two countries and being rightly considered a war criminal in a third isn’t enough to get a homie a slot at Brookings, what’s he gotta do?
— Dmitri Brengauz (@Rzhevsky) December 5, 2017
Saakashvili moves back to Williamsburg, starts post punk band, tours multi media “immersive experience” (ala Pussy Riots ‘Riot Days’) where he talks about his life, is profiled by P4K, has final show at Brooklyn Steel, opens artisanal punchula shop called “Saaks Fifth Ave”.
— Euro Goth Dan Boeckner (@DanBoeckner) December 5, 2017
If he ever heads back to the States, he could get a role for a remake of Cheers. pic.twitter.com/LgfJi1ijvd
— Partizan ☭ 🇧🇾 (@partizanOTFM) December 5, 2017
Moves back to Williamsburg, runs for NY State Senate on the IDC line https://t.co/0QbPf6z06x
— Dreidel-vid Klion (@DavidKlion) December 5, 2017
UN Blue Helmet in Donbass.
— Andrew Hanna (@AndrewBHanna) December 5, 2017
Well if it wasn't The Misha I would say an Ukrainian and/or Georgian jail cell, but with that son-of-a-maverick-gun you can never really tell…
…it wouldn't really surprise me if he popped up in Zimbabwe as a cabinet minister TBH
— Vid Štimac (@VidStimac) December 5, 2017
He will marry Grace Mugabe and shop ever after
— Frank Huysmans (@fhuysmans) December 5, 2017
— chris hooks (@cd_hooks) December 5, 2017
— No, he thought, I don’t like it here. (@prostgrad) December 5, 2017
He'll come back to America, go on a speaking tour for the #resistance and become a frequent commentator of Russia and eastern European politics for MSNBC.
— Shawn van Leeuwen (@FlowersxSilence) December 5, 2017
UNDP's Regional Bureau for Europe and the CIS.
— Задругарство (@BaZadruga) December 5, 2017
US senator for Massachusetts. Or back to Brooklyn and start a podcast
— Rakhmetov 🌹 (@Crayfishtrap) December 5, 2017
Maybe a Netflix Original?
— Maciej Kuziemski (@kuziemsky) December 5, 2017
Getting arrested as he threatens to jump off roof somewhere in Moldova or Kyrgyzstan
— Mladen Lišanin (@mladen_lisanin) December 5, 2017
Moldova, your next cooking show host extraordinaire, is about to land.
I just can't see him politics, rn.
— G.S.P.🎄☦️ (@SouthSlavTrad) December 5, 2017
— Максим Edwards (@MaximEdwards) December 5, 2017
In the mountains of Bolivia heading a guerilla group
— Fabrice Deprez (@fabrice_deprez) December 5, 2017